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As the 21st century slowly and steadily makes it's way through it's third decade, the taboos surrounding sex toys, kink and fetish are fading into the past. People are becoming sexually liberated and sexual fantasies being talked about more openly and with less stigma attached to such topics. Whether we like to admit it or not, EVERYONE has their fantasies. It is common for many to think that these sexual thoughts are abnormal and wrong. But, it's very likely that even your innermost fantasies are both normal and healthy.
It’s a fact that if you’ve never used a sex toy, approaching the subject with your partner can be daunting. Chances are, if you and your partner are both on the same wavelength then you won't have a whole lot to worry about and the conversation surrounding sex toys and sexual fantasies in general can be exciting and add a whole new dimension to your relationship. But in many people’s minds, sex toys can be viewed as competition, with the thoughts of going up against a giant silicone penis too much for some, after all, who wants an opponent like that in the bedroom? What if your partner takes the fact that you want to use sex toys as an insult and feels that you may not be sexually satisfied with them? Nobody wants to give the impression that they’re not satisfied in the bedroom and therefore people can be hesitant to breach the subject. Luckily, there are ways to get started that won’t scare away first timers. One thing is for certain, there is one essential ingredient required to get you and your partner on the same page - communication.
Communication is the key in any relationship and this translates to the bedroom as well. Always be as open as possible about your wants and needs ahead of time. Good, open dialog between partners is the only way to truly understand each others innermost desires and in turn, lead to a life of mutual satisfaction and happiness. When you bring up the subject of sex toys, stress that it is an enhancement to sex, similar to candles or music. Make sure your partner knows that they please you and that you would like to explore together at a pace that suits you both. Frame your desires as requests as opposed to complaints or criticisms, your partner will be more receptive that way. Let them know that you've been fantasising about using a toy in front of them, or having them use one in front of you, or on you! It's a simple ice breaker and will surely get the conversation flowing.
Most likely, they’ll be equally curious and will be excited to see where the conversation goes. Start small and choose the toy together so you are both involved in the process. Use this time as a chance to mutually build intimacy, excitement and expectation. It can be very arousing shopping for sex toys together, enjoy the process. On a side note, always remember, once you do have your new toy purchased, that not all sexual experiences go as planned! When things don't go perfectly or as expected, it's all part of the journey you're taking with your partner, and can help bring you closer together as well. Laugh it off, share a personal joke and go again next time round. If you can take it light heartedly, you'll be laughing about any not-so-great experiences for years to come!
If your partner is still unsure about using a sex toy as a couple, you can always buy one yourself and give it a few test runs. If your partner knows you have a toy and you're playing all by yourself, chances are that after a little time has passed, they'll want to join in, or at least watch. Some people like to take it slow at first and just watch while maybe pleasuring themselves. This is ok, work with it and slowly develop things. You'd be surprised how things can develop over time, a year or two down the line they might be the ones instigating the fun and choosing the toys.
Yes it's true, introducing sex toys can be fun, but remember that it just may not work for some couples.
While using sex toys together can offer a huge range of benefits, like transforming your lives when it comes to sex positions & techniques, kinks and fetishes, sexual activities and interactions, as well as opening up new gateways to pleasure and stimulating interesting conversations, if you don’t feel like it’s your thing, that’s totally okay.
One last thing to note before we finish, experimenting with sex toys must always be done in a safe and consensual manner. Always read the manufacturers instructions (if any) and use plenty of lube when required.
Enjoy Kinksters!
Eden's Temple X
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