Interview With a Dominatrix

 

Clarity Mills has been making waves around Ireland in recent months. Towards the end of 2022 she garnered a lot of attention from the media after appearing on RTE's docu-series "Lucy Investigates". The episode focused on the ever expanding Irish sex scene and featured RTE's Lucy Kennedy travelling around the Emerald Isle attending Sex Parties, Puppy Parties, meeting Holistic Sex Therapists & spending some time with a certain Dominatrix.

"Ireland sex parties 'well mannered but pure filth'" was the headline in the following Sunday Mirror. 

"Dublin dominatrix reveals she gets millionaires and celebs for spanking sessions" featured on the same day in Ireland's Sunday World publication, who went on to say; 

Naturally, this caused quite a stir in a country that was, until quite recently, controlled largely by the Catholic church. 

But none of it seems to phase Clarity who takes everything in her stride. She has a relaxed, calming and joyful presence, which is counter balanced with a high octane work ethic, “I can work silly hours but you sleep when you’re dead right?" she tells us. IT Consultant by day, Celebrity Dominatrix by night, to call her an interesting lady would be an understatement to say the least.

So, without further ado, we give you - Interview with a Dominatrix - Domina Clarity. 

 

Q. So Clarity, thank you for taking the time to do this interview with us today. Firstly, before we get into the Dominatrix/BDSM side of things, we'd like to know a little bit about you, Clarity Mills, the person? I'm guessing by the accent that you were raised in the United States but I did read somewhere that you've done a lot of travelling. Tell us about your life up to now. 

A. Yes the accent is certainly North American but your research is correct, I've lived in nine different countries. Born in Florida but my family moved immediately to Nairobi, Kenya, then to the Seychelle Islands, Hong Kong, Turkey, Mexico, the U.K, Ireland, & now Spain... maybe it would have been quicker to tell you where I haven't lived!

 

 

Q. Was there any particular reason for all the travelling?

A. Yeah, my Dad was in the military so I'm what we call a Military Brat in the U.S (laughs)! That was the reason for all the travelling in early life. After that I studied abroad at University, my tech consulting company requires me to travel quite a bit too so I guess you could say the travelling was engrained into me when I was young and I carried it into adulthood! In 2012 I came to Ireland on holiday and fell in love with everything it had to offer and I vowed to come back one day. So around six years ago, when the opportunity to move here presented itself to me through my IT Company and in conjunction with Brexit, I jumped at the chance!

 

 

Q. When did you first get into BDSM and what were your first experiences as a Dominatrix?

A. I've always been quite bossy! I remember telling my parents that I was a Domme & pansexual (and all those other fun things) and they just laughed and said ''big surprise!!!". My full name is Clarity Eden Mills so you can probably tell that they're both pot smoking hippies (laughs)! So there were no shocks there let me tell you. 

I've always been very transparent about what I'm into because it's such a huge part of my life and part of the reason that led me to figure it all out was through being sexually assaulted as a teenager. This brought about a process of me wanting to reconcile myself back to sex and as a part of my recovery and reconciliation I found the kink community. One thing you'll find with any kink community in any part of the world is that they all follow the same principles in regards to consent, communication and safety so this appealed to me in a big way. Then in university my first boyfriend was a sub so I naturally assumed the role of being a Domme and never looked back, that was almost 20 years ago!

 

 

Q. How long was it before you turned it into a profession?

A. I was roughly about 25 when I turned pro Domme so around 7 years after I started out. I learned a lot in my early 20's and was lucky to have a very well respected and well known Dominartix and Daddy Dom in L.A who had both been on the scene for decades at the time. They sort of mentored me so I was extremely fortunate to have a lot of expert tutelage in my early days. Add to this my own learning and experimentation, I realised that I was a Domme and that I had a great aptitude for it. I also really enjoyed the aspect of helping people go through the cathartic process that I went through to help heal some of those traumatic wounds from being sexually assaulted and I found providing that service to others was really cathartic to me. 

 

 

Q. As an experienced member of the kink community, do you believe that it's important for all Dominant players to experience a sub scene from the other side, even just once, as a learning experience?

A. 100%! I'm a big believer that you should only do unto others that which has been done unto you so in my early days on the scene in L.A, I was a switch. While I did very quickly realise that I was more naturally a top and a Domme, I really feel that these experiences helped give me a better understanding of the role of the Dominant and was another big reason as to why being a professional Dominatrix came so naturally to me. Tops need to bottom for multiple reasons, it helps build empathy, it helps build rapport, it helps build understanding of the tools that you're using and also, most importantly, helps you gain the ability to understand what the sub is feeling (both physically and mentally) at any given moment. Even if you have a D/s relationship and your sub isn't the person to do it, find a Dominant figure that you'd trust and try it in a friendly, fun way. 

   

 

Q. Do you have any hard limits when working with clients?

A. I find using bodily fluids disgusting so that's certainly a limit. No golden showers from me, sorry folks! Then there’s CNC (consensual non-consent), say for example a kidnap fantasy where a client wants to feel like the experience is real and they don't want to use a safeword to end it. I won’t do that type of play as it’s not something I feel safe with. In my opinion that's more for someone who plays with their partner or spouse and they've built a really strong connection and trust each other 100%, that type of play requires a lot of unwavering trust to pull it off properly. 

  

 

Q. Tell us the most extreme request you've had from a client?

A. What you find extreme, might not be extreme to me.., and vice versa, it's all about perception so that's a tough one to answer. There's a saying in the kink community that goes YKINMKBYKIOK. This stands for "Your kink is not my kink but your kink is okay", which basically means all kinks are equal so it can be hard to define the word ''extreme'' when it comes to play. That's a very boring and diplomatic answer to an interesting question so I will add that I have had people ask for things in the past that would not be considered Safe, Sane & Consensual. One client asked me to do a lot of illegal things, when I say illegal, I mean that they wanted me to steal all of their money and kidnap them and hold them as a slave in my basement for the rest of their life, so I guess you'd call that pretty extreme (laughs)!!!

 

 

Q. Have you any advice for anyone that's curious about BDSM and doesn't know where to start?

A. The first bit of advice I'd give is to create a profile on fetlife.com and any other lifestyle sites you can find and then just come to events, whether its a munch, a party or maybe a workshop, meet people and start to engage with the community. The content on fetilfe (for people that are genuinely curious about kink), even if it's not everyones cup of tea, it's going to be a lot better and a lot more real than watching pornhub or something along those lines. I like to say that porn is to BDSM, what action movies are to real life! There's an abundance of resources online in the form of kink educators, blogs and information outside of fetlife too but it's my go-to starting point for people that want to get into the lifestyle.

 

 

Q. How does the BDSM scene in Dublin & Ireland differ to other countries you've lived and played in?

A. One thing I've noticed about the Irish scene in recent years is how fast it's growing. It's more than doubled in size since I first moved here. You just have to look at fetlife.com to see this, in Dublin alone there's over 95,000 members and another 155,000+ in the rest of the country. Also, there's events popping up all over the country now. You've got events in Cork, Limerick, Galway, Belfast etc. and these can be play parties, social gatherings or full on sex parties. The fetish scene in Ireland is stronger than it's ever been and growing at a rapid rate, I would say I'm very proud to be a part of it!

 

 

Q. Tell us what are some of your favourite toys/tools to use during a scene? 

A. This can vary, it really depends on the type of scene. My pegging harness is what you'd call 'heavy duty', it's more like a rock climbing harness than a pegging harness if I'm honest but needs must! It's very sturdy and stable and you can do a lot more with it so I really like that. Then obviously to accompany that, I have lots of different sized dildos!

I use Pjur Silicone Lube for everything, it's the best lube out there by far. Cling film is something I use quite a lot, it's great for quick bondage. When clients are paying by the hour you don't have a lot of time for rope bondage so that stuff is great for quick restraint. When I do have time for some rope bondage, I like to use cotton rope, sometimes hemp. Once again this depends on the client. 

Personal favourites? I have a violet wand (A device used for the application of low-current, high-voltage electricity to the body, for those who don't know) which I got at the London Alternative Market. It's a restored unit from the 1930's and it cost me around £650, that's one of my personal favourites.

 

 

Q. Tell us about what you have planned for the future and any events or workshops that are coming up.

A. In 2023 I'll be hosting an educational series of workshops on kink, in which I'll be having some very exciting guests from the U.S, U.K and Ireland. We're going to talk about the mental health and physical health benefits to practicing kink, some of the pros and cons, anatomy of a scene, negotiating a scene, play and aftercare as well as a deep dive on the different types of kink and the psychology that goes with it. 

In or around October, I'm looking to host a sex positivity festival in Dublin which would involve in-person workshops as opposed to the web based ones. I'll also be launching my multi-venture marketplace Kinkify, where people will be able to purchase tickets for kink events all around the world as well as bespoke and personalised items that would be otherwise impossible to find! Lastly, I've some more T.V work lined up too so hopefully it's going to be a really big year. 

 

 

Q. Finally, what's the best way for potential clients to contact you?

A. There's loads of ways to contact me. I'm on social media as Domina Clarity so anybody can reach out on Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat etc., you name it, I'm there! Also my email address is yesmistress@dominaclarity.com. I get a lot of messages so I'm actually hiring a P.A to help me get back to people quicker!