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Ever heard about Edging and wondered what it was? Or what is a Masochist and where did the word come from? What's the difference between a Kink and a Fetish?
The world of BDSM is full of words and phrases that we don't hear in every day life and therefore, most likely, we have no idea what they mean when we first encounter them, or a partial idea at best. So with that in mind, we decided to put together an A-Z Glossary of all things Kink, Fetish & BDSM, a different term for every letter of the alphabet, explained in detail. Remember, every day is a school day... and I'm not talking just about roleplaying!
If you're looking to educate yourself in the world of boudoirs and bondage, look no further, its Eden's Temple's A-Z of Kink.
Once you've experienced the heights of a euphoric BDSM scene, it's quite possible that you may come crashing back down soon after.
The surge of adrenaline and endorphins lead your body to a temporary imbalance. The rush of these chemicals leaving your body, known as sub drop (and Dom drop), can be just as disconcerting andthe hours (and days) after aheavy scene can be emotional.
'Aftercare' can be defined as the physical and/or the emotional care-taking that occurs after a BDSM encounter.
Oftentimes it's the submissive who needs a little extra aftercare, But it's important for aftercare to go both ways.
Examples of Aftercare
Bondage, by definition, means: the state of being a slave or prisoner. In kink terms, it can be defined as; the act of tying up or restraininga sexual partner.
Bondage includes the use ofrestraint to restrict movementto bring about pleasure. Common bondage items include; rope,handcuffs, armbinders, blindfoldsand other restraints.
Bondage has been a fixture of erotic novels and art for centuries, fromthe Marquis De Sade’s 1791 novel 'Justine',to Rembrandt's 1631 painting 'Andromeda Chainedto the Rocks'. In modern culture, the publicationof Madonna's 1992 book 'Sex', which included photographs of bound nudes, did a great deal to improve public awareness and acceptance of bondage.
A cuckold is the husband or boyfriend of a person who has sex with other people. In a modern fetish context, a cuckold is a man who takes pleasure from his partner having sex with other people. The term cuckold is often shortened to cuck. The word originally derives from the cuckoo bird, which has a tendency of laying its eggs in other birds' nests.
Traditionally a cuckold was a married man with an adulterous wife. However, the term now describes any man in a committed relationship who enjoys his partner having sex with other people. Cuckolds may have any sexual identity. The partners of cuckolds and the people they have sex with may be of any gender or sexuality. The term cuckold is the masculine equivalent of cuckquean.
A Dominant is a sexual participant who takes on a leadership role and consensually controls a submissive participant. This type of partnership is often referred to in the BDSM community as a D/S partnership.
A male Dominant is often called a Dom, for short, or a master.
A female Dominant is commonly referred to as a Domme or Mistress.
Different types of Doms;
Edging involves sexual stimulation and stopping just before the point of orgasm. Edging aims to extend a person’s sexual enjoyment for longer periods. It may also intensify the experience.
It is possible to perform edging alone or with others. Anyone might engage in edging, regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation.
Also known as surfing, teasing, or peaking, edging can increase
arousal and libido and can help with erectile dysfunction in particular.
You can edge as many times as you want before orgasm but if you're
new to the practice, between 2 and 5 times is a good place to start.
Fetishes are nontraditional sexual interests or behaviours (kinks) that are, for a particular individual, a deep and abiding (and possibly even necessary) element of sexual arousal and activity.
The dictionary describes it as "If someone has a fetish, they have an unusually strong liking or need for a particular object or activity, as a way of getting sexual pleasure... eg. rubber and leather fetishes...fetish wear for sexual arousal."
Some common fetishes include
Used to keep your lover’s mouthopen during BDSM and other sensual role-playing games, gags are a frequently used part of consensual dominance.
They are attached to an adjustable harness that gets strapped around the back of the wearer’s head, not only keeping the gag in place but also preventing it from slipping back into the throat and becoming lodged.
Like riding a roller coaster, wearing a gag provides a safe and secure level of uncertainty that can be harnessed into sexual energy. A good gag can enhance the dom/sub dynamic to newheights, just ensure to follow some simple safety rules first.
Important safety rules while using a gag:
Humiliation refers to an intense sexual arousal from the actof being humiliated, beaten,bound, or otherwise made to suffer, as manifested byfantasies, urges, or behaviours. Often in BDSM scenes, participants willingly engage in consenting forms of pain or humiliation, typically for sexual purposes.
In general, it's the submissive partner that wants to be humiliated, be it verbally, physically, mentally,in public or in private. The all important factor in this type of play is that everyone is involved consensually and that limits and rules are in place prior to play.
Impact play refers to a type ofBDSM play that involves strikingthe body. This can be done with a hand, paddle, cane, whip, flogger or other instrument. In erotic spanking, the sub is struckon the buttocks either with the Dominant's open hand, or a rigid implement such as a paddle, cane or riding crop. In erotic flagellation, the sub is struck with a flexible implement such a whip or flogger.
For safety, impact play should be done on areas of the human body well protected by fat or muscle; spots to avoid include the kidneys, neck, tailbone, hipbones, the head and all joints. Dominants must take great care to hitthe intended target area, and avoid wrapping. wrapping occurs when awhip or flogger wraps around the subs body to deliver a sharp, non-erotic, and possibly injurious off-target blow,such as to the hipbones or ribs.
JOI stands for Jerk Off Instruction. Jerk off instruction is verbal and sometimes visual prompts about how a man should masturbate and when to orgasm, if at all. JOI is often a component of orgasm denial, it can also be an element of foreplay. The two main types of JOI are -
Jerk Off Encouragement | Positive reinforcement helping a male to orgasm.
Jerk Off Humiliation | Making the man feel dirty and ashamed of his arousal and desire to masturbate.
Kink is an umbrella term used to describe a wide range of sexual activities that are considered to be unconventional orunorthodox. While BDSM is most certainly considered a kink, it's far fromthe only kinky practice out there. Some better known 'kinks' include;
Sexual acts such as spanking, dripping candle wax on the skin, participating in orgies, swinging and role-playing are often considered to be kinky, as are some unusual sex positions or usage of sex toys.
Anything not kinky is said to be 'vanilla'.
Kink is a term that can be hard to define. Part of the difficulty in defining the term is that it is so subjective. To one person, sex toys might be kinky, while to another, the use of toys might be routine. A person who enjoys kinky sexual activities is known as a kinkster.
Consent is without a doubt the most important aspect of kink.If you’re just getting started,or want to slowly introduce BDSM into an existing relationship, both you and your partnershould make a list ofyour hard and soft limits.
A soft limit is something that you’re curious about yet unsure if it’s right for you. Soft limits can be explored slowly and patiently and may developinto a full blown kink over time.
A hard limit is something that you are certain is off-limits and have no interest in trying under any circumstances.
Your hard and soft limits will likely evolve the more you explore, so it’s important to keep having these conversations with your partner. Always remember, a soft limit for one may be a hard limit for another.
Respect peoples limits.
Masochism is the tendency toderive sexual gratification from one's own pain or humiliation, be that physical or emotional people who enjoy masochismare known as masochists. If you enjoy being spanked, humiliated or degraded, you are most likelymasochist... and there are many!
The term is named afterLeopold von Sacher-Masoch,a 19th-century Austrian author who wrote the book 'Venus in Furs', which details what’s now considered a typical BDSM “master-slave” relationship. Venus in Furs was rather closely based upon Leo's own life. He met a girl named Fanny Pistor, They signed what would now be known as a BDSM contract and they set off to Florence together with him pretending to be her servant.
The term masochist was first coined in 1886, when Richard von Krafft-Ebing decided to use it in his book 'Psychopathia Sexualis: A Clinical-Forensic Study'. Facing criticism and accusations of slander, he later wrote -
"Sacher-Masoch was not only the poet of Masochism, but he himself was also afflicted with the anomaly. Although these proofs were communicated to me without restriction, I refrain from giving them to the public."
Nipple clamps are a sex toy that squeeze erect nipples to restrict the blood flow and increase arousal. The nipples are highly sensitive and are considered an erogenous zone of the body.
Nipple stimulation has been found to increase oxytocin levels, which can cause uterine contractions; the uterus also contracts during orgasm.
3 Most Popular Types of Nipple Clamps
Clothes-Peg Style
A safe, secure and sexy versionof your mother’s laundry equipment, sometimes made out of precious metals or other skin-safe materials.
Tweezer Style
An alternative to a quick pinch with your fingers, tweezer-style nipple clamps can be used to apply pinpointed pressure intermittently.
Clover Style
A terrific tool for dominance and bondage play, since they become tighter when you pull on them or struggle against them.
An ‘O’ fantasy is a sexualfantasy inspired by the novel "The Story of ‘O’". ‘O’ fantasies draw from the plot of this book which is considered by many to be one of the most important literary works with sadomasochistic themes ever written.
The Story of ‘O’ tells the story of a beautiful Parisian fashion photographer named O, who is taught to be constantly available for oral, vaginal, and anal intercourse, offering herself to any male who belongs to the same secret society as her lover.
Scenes from this book, including O’s slave training, labium piercing, bondage with chains, and whipping may feature in ‘O’ fantasies.
Published in 1954 by French authorAnne Desclos under the pen name Pauline Réage, and published in French by Jean-Jacques Pauvert. Desclos did not reveal herself as the author until 1994, 40 years afterthe initial publication.
The book is said to be inspired by the works of Marquis de Sade.
Anne Cécile Desclos 1907-1998
Pegging is a sexual act in which one partner wears a strap-on dildo to anally penetrate another person for intercourse. Originally, the term pegging was used to describe a woman using the strap-on on a man; however, over time the definition has come to broadly describe the act itself, regardless of the genders of it's participants.
Strap-on sex can be traced back to as far as 12,000 years ago in ancient China, then later in England, Greece & France. Depictions and accounts primarily refer to female-to-female use. However it's likely heterosexual woman and men with erectile challenges also used strap-on dildos throughout history.
In 2022, interest in pegging surged in response to an unverified rumour that Prince William, the second heir to the British throne, was a pegging fan.
Queening is a sexual practice that involves a dominant person sitting over a submissive partner's face to facilitate oral sex.
This practice is common in femdom relationships and can be used by Dommes to humiliate their submissive or smother their face using the genitals.
Oftentimes, a queening chair is used. A queening chair is a low chair or seat that can be placed over a person's face to allow for oral stimulation of the vagina or anus. The seats are usually U-shaped, and are designed for the receiver to perch with their legs on either side of the U and their buttocks on the back of the U.
Queening can also be known as Kinging.
RACK stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink
Risk-aware means that all the participants know the risks involved in the activity (BDSM activities are not always risk-free).
Consensual means that all the participants have freely consented to the activity, and that no one has been coerced.
Kink refers to alternative sexual activities.
As a concept, rack arose in response to an ethos that most people involved in BDSM live by -safe, sane, consensual (SSC).
unlike SSC, RACK aims to recognise that many BDSM activities are not risk-free and therefore, promotes personal responsibility in understanding the risks involved.
Those who go by RACK as opposed to SSC tend to be open to a larger and oftentimes more 'taboo' variety of kink activities, including higher-risk types of play like blood play or breath play.
Sadism describes the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others or watching others inflict these behaviours on someone else. People who take pleasure from these acts are known as sadists.
The term sadism comes from the name of the French writer Donatien Alphonse François, also known as Marquis de Sade (1740-1814).
De Sade was a French nobleman, revolutionary and writer whose fiction portrayed sexual fantasies, often of a violent nature.
Two centuries after his death, Sade remains a figure of controversy.During his lifetime he spent a total of 32 years in prisons and insane asylums, having been found guilty of sodomy, rape, and the torturingof a 36 year old beggar, amongst other things.
His work remained censored throughout the 19th century and most of the 20th – but in 2017 the French State declared his book 120 Days of Sodom (1785), written in the Bastille on a 12-metre scroll, to be a “national treasure”.
Tantra is a style of meditation and spiritual practice that originated in medieval India over 5,000 years ago. it influenced all major Asian religions from Hinduism to Buddhism.
The concept of tantric sex came from ancient hinduism and ideas around tantra.
Tantric sex is a slow, meditative form of sex where the end goal is not orgasm but enjoying the sexual journey and sensations of the body. It aims to move sexual energy throughout the body, healing, transforming and enlightening.
Proponents of tantric sex believe that tantric techniques may help resolve sexual complications such as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or anorgasmia.
Like BDSM, research has suggested that tantric practices have also been said to heal past traumas. Traumatic experiences can change a person on many levels including; emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. On a physical level, trauma traps in the body. Tantra practices such as tantric massage,can release the body of these feelings. On a psychological level, traumatised people often adopt limiting beliefs about themselves.
Tantra helps people experience their emotions with self-regulation and adopt empowering beliefs.
Urophilia is a fetish in which a person experiences sexual pleasure or arousal from thoughts or actions associated with urine or urination.
A person with a urophilia fetish may become aroused by the sight of urine or someone urinating, being urinated on or by urinating on someone else, drinking urine or having someone else drink urine, or even just the thought of urine.
For some individuals, the smell of urine leads to arousal too.For others, bed wetting is thesource of excitement.
In the context of BDSM play, urine can be used as a source of humiliation as the dominant urinates on the submissive partner.
Urophilia may also be referred to as golden showers, water sports, or urolagnia.
Voyeurism is the derivement of sexual gratification from watching others, mostly while they take part in acts of a sexual nature. When we speak about voyeurism from a kink perspective, we’re talking about consensual voyeurism. The 'consensual' part is very important!
Voyeurs typically become aroused through visual stimulation. They usually have different preferences that stimulate them. They may enjoy watching people undress, showering, or going about their private lives wearing little to no clothes. They may also enjoy watching people engaging in sexual acts, on their own, with sexual partners, or both.
Voyeur is a French word meaning “one who sees.” It was adopted as an English word with sexual connotations around the start of the 20th century. It was originally used specifically for people who gain sexual pleasure from viewing others in private or intimate acts.
While voyeurism has a history of being violating, education in the kink community around consent has changed this both legally and socially. If you have voyeuristic fantasies, make sureyou’re indulging them consensually withwilling exhibitionists.
Wax play is a sexual practice in which a person drips hot wax onto their partner’s naked body. The feeling of the wax hitting one's body causes a rush of adrenalin which increases arousal.
Paraffin and soy wax are some of the most popular varieties for wax play beginners, as they have low melting points. More experienced wax players who prefer a more intense experience sometimes use waxes with higher melting points, including palm and beeswax.
The temperature of the wax can be reduced by dropping it from a greater height.
Many prefer to drip the wax on hair-free areas, where it can be easily removed. However, others enjoy dripping wax on their partner’s genitals, nipples and more sensitive areas. Some people also enjoy following up wax play with the contrasting sensation of ice cubes, leading to intensebodily experiences.
It’s important to note that different types of candles and crock pots will vary the temperature of the wax. Please take this into consideration, as well as your partner’s tolerance for heat, when engaging in wax play. Wax that is too hot can cause severe burns. people can also have allergic reactions to the perfumes, dyes, and other additives used in waxes.
Flames should be kept away from clothes and bed linen, which can easily catch fire. Wax is also best kept away from fabrics, as it is difficult to remove once hardened.
X-rated refers to a book, movie, magazine, video clip, website, or other media that carry an X rating. A rating of X indicates sexually explicit or vulgar content that is intended for adults only.
The nonfiction book ''X-Rated'' byDavid McCumber was brought to the big screen in 2000 with the film 'Rated X' starring brothers Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez.
The film chronicles the story of the Mitchell brothers, Jim and Artie, who were pioneers in the pornography and strip club businesses in San Fransisco in the 1970s and 1980s.
Your Kink Is Not My Kink, or YKINMK, is a phrase used in the kink community to show ones respect for someone else's kink while stating that this is something one is not into. The expression is meant to maintain the community's openness to all kinks, while still being able to maintain personal boundaries.
The kink community prides itself on creating shame-free environments where everyone feels comfortable exploring their own kinks and desires.
YKINMK does not apply to play that is non-consensual, abusive, or that breaks the rules of the community you are engaging with.
An extension of this phrase can be YKINMKBYKION meaning; Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Ok.
Zelophilia is a sexual arousal based on feelings of jealousy.
a person may get sexually aroused by seeing their partner being chatted up or flirting with others. some may embrace the jealous feelings associated with watching their partners engaged in sexual acts with others.
People with these types of feelings may often take part in cuckolding/cuckqueaning scenarios and may also harbour voyeuristic tendencies.
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