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BDSM relationships are a lot of fun. There are so many different ways to play around with domination and submission that the only limits (bar the ones that are set by the people involved), are the limits of your mind. Remember, whether you're new to the idea of D/s (Dom/sub) relationships and you're looking for tips on how to get started, or if you're a couple of seasoned pros looking for some new ideas or inspiration, this is merely a list of suggestions. Read through the list together and get some good dialogue going about which ones sound interesting to you (and which ones you'd rather stay away from). Keep talking about boundaries and limits and decide on safewords.
What is a safeword you ask? A safeword is a word that bottoms use when the painful pleasure starts to genuinely hurt and/or the scene is pushing them beyond where they feel comfortable. Tops can also use the safeword if they think they're being too harsh. Any scene or BDSM activity can be instantly stopped with the use of said word.
A safeword is generally a word that isn't used during sex, for example, various fruits (like pineapple or banana); random everyday items (like teacup or umbrella); or colours (red can mean stop, orange can mean slow down).
A safeword is never "please stop," "I can't take it," or "it hurts." Words and phrases like this are commonly used by masochistic bottoms during BDSM scenes, sometimes even as an indirect way of communicating to their Dom that they are in fact having a pleasurable experience. Using such terms as a safeword is sure to lead to confusion, awkward moments and bad experiences for all involved, so stick to something more left field, like Beetlejuice!
When we roleplay, we can be somebody else for a moment in time and therefore, it's easier to express our sexual needs. There are endless ways you can roleplay Dom and sub roles. Playing certain roles can release some of your inhibitions, and make it easier to get into the Dom/sub dynamic. Here are just a few ideas:
Dressing up in specific costumes can really help make the fantasy feel more realistic and make the scene a lot more fun so by all means, be creative. Remember, your pre agreed safeword can end the scene any time, in case things get a little heavy.
One of the most gratifying ways to play around with Domination and submission is to spend an entire evening catering to the Dom(me). The sub’s attention is solely on serving their Doms needs. This may include things such as meal prep, setting up a room in a way that would please the Dom, give a full body massage, dress up in the Dom’s favourite sexy outfit, preform oral sex, or allow the Dom to choose exactly what they want in each and every moment. The sub gets no attention of their own and gains ultimate satisfaction from knowing they are being controlled. It is the Doms job to ensure both parties are satisfied, praise your sub when they're being good... and punish them when they're being bad!
Orgasm control is a great way for the Top to assert their dominance over their bottom. It's a simple concept. Under no circumstances may the sub orgasm without the Doms permission, whether they're in the same room, or a different country! If you orgasm without permission, you’ll get punished. The Dom can be extra sneaky by trying to get the sub to orgasm, but not giving them permission to do so.
There are many toys and accessories available to help enhance this type of play.
A Forced Orgasm Belt is the perfect accessory if you want to make your sub orgasm uncontrollably. Or better still, why not restrain your sub while having them wear the forced orgasm belt. Once the magic wand is in place, they'll find it almost impossible not to orgasm... and if they haven't been given permission, they'll be in trouble!
A Remote Controlled Vibrator can also be an exciting and interesting sex toy to experiment with. Have your sub insert/position the sex toy before heading out to your favourite club, pub or restaurant. With remote in hand, watch them squirm with pleasure while trying to act normal and not let anyone know what you're up to as you increase the level of intensity they're feeling. What happens next is up to you. Time and again you can take them to the edge of orgasm then stop just before they do... and every now and again, why not even let them finish!
Forced Orgasm Belt from Eden's Temple
Punishment is one of the fundamentals of a Dom/sub relationship. It makes sense. If you're a Dom with a sadistic streak and a sub with masochistic tendencies, then the principles behind punishment works for both parties. It’s certainly one of the simplest but most effective ways of taking your Dom/sub relationship up a notch. Beginner subs can get started making a list of forms of punishment that they’ll accept if they get out of line. Here are some ideas of ways the sub could get punished:
A BDSM Test is a great way to figure out what it is exactly that makes you who you are. It'll reveal whether your mostly Dominant or submissive, sadistic or masochistic, top or bottom and so on. People are complex creatures. It's not as simple as; everyone is either a Sadistic, Dominant Top, or a masochistic, submissive bottom. There can be Dominant characters that enjoy pain and like to instruct their subs to hurt them. Or even submissives that like to Top, topping from the bottom as it's called. Or maybe you're a switch and depending on the situation and the environment, you like to sometimes play the role of the Dominant but also sometimes the role of the sub!
If you're already in a relationship, take the test together and compare results, you're sure to learn a lot about each other. If your single, taking the test can be a great way to figure out what it is you need in a partner and can save a lot of hassle (and heartbreak).
If you're looking for where to take said test, bdsmtest.org is a good place to start.
Self exploration is an integral part of life. Pushing yourself just a little bit out of your comfort zone from time to time will expand that comfort zone and in turn, expand your sexual horizons. Set your hard limits and from there, be willing to push the boundaries. After all, love has no limits... but it does have a safeword
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