Enhancing Intimacy With Threesomes | Advice & Guide

An intimate topic often treated as hush-hush, threesomes, as a part of human sexual behavior, provoke much curiosity, and dare I say, intrigue. They have been largely studied for their psychological, interpersonal, and cultural implications. This blog aims to capture a snapshot of the societal perception towards threesomes and to shed light on some intriguing statistics that emerge from research in this area.

A widely cited study titled "Prevalence and predictors of sexual behavior that may pose risk for HIV infection", published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, estimated that around four percent of men and over one percent of women had engaged in a threesome at some point in their lives. More recent surveys like the 2016 Archer and Lloyd study put that number closer to 24% for heterosexual men and 8% for heterosexual women.

A common misconception is that threesomes predominantly involve two women and one man. According to a 2011 study conducted by the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, 82% of participants fantasized about having a threesome, with men being twice as likely than women to fantasize about both Male-Male-Female (MMF) and Female-Female-Male (FFM) threesomes. Interestingly, despite these prevalent fantasies, there is often a significant hesitation towards actual participation. In a nationally representative study of over 2,000 Americans by Lehmiller et al., only 13% of men and 6% of women reported having turned their threesome fantasies into reality. This speaks volumes about the degree of trepidation that surrounds this behavior, and the large chasm that exists between fantasy and reality.

Many threesome participants report feelings of jealousy, anxiety, or insecurity. According to a study conducted by Scoats in 2016, out of the 30 heterosexual men who had experienced an MMF threesome, nearly 20% admitted to feeling uncomfortable about it afterward, despite enjoying the experience in the moment. This, the researchers surmise, is likely due to societal pressure and existing rigid beliefs about masculinity.

Moreover, a study by Starks and Parsons in 2020 found that couples engaging in threesomes reported better results when they had discussed boundaries and conditions beforehand. Lack of communication emerged as a primary reason for dissatisfaction among participants in threesomes.

In this vein, it's worth noting the uptick in searches pertaining to 'threesome etiquette'—ranging from establishing consent to set rules—signifying a shift towards more thoughtful and informed engagement in such encounters.

 

In the digital era, the incidence of threesomes seems to burgeon with the advent of dating apps that cater to individuals or couples seeking such experiences. Apps such as Feeld have reported a user base of over 2 million, indicating that there is a significant number of people exploring non-monogamous relationships or threesome experiences.

Despite the stigmatization, these studies imply a softening of societal attitudes towards threesomes over time. However, it is also apparent that while fantasies about threesomes are widespread, their actual execution remains relatively sporadic, with complexities surrounding communication and feelings of jealousy emerging as significant hurdles.

 

 

How to speak to your partner

Discussing sexual fantasies and desires requires honesty, trust, and tact, particularly when considering non-traditional practices such as threesomes. Here are some steps to approach that conversation effectively:

 

1. Choosing the Right Moment: Timing is crucial. Choose a calm, comfortable, and neutral time when you both can focus on the conversation without distractions.

2. Preliminary Self-Reflection: Before talking to your partner, be sure to understand your own desires. Know why you want a threesome and what you hope to gain from the experience.

3. Honesty and Openness: Begin by expressing your appreciation for your partner and your relationship. Then, explain that you have a suggestion that might add a new dimension to your shared intimacy. Assure them that your desire for a threesome doesn't stem from dissatisfaction with your current relationship.

4. Use Tact and Sensitivity: Be careful with your wording. Ensure your partner doesn't feel pressured or inadequate. Frame it as a shared experience that the two of you could explore together, rather than a personal desire.

5. Listen: After you express your idea, give your partner the opportunity to respond, and genuinely listen to their feelings and concerns. They may need time to process what you've said, so be patient and considerate.

6. Discuss Boundaries: If your partner is open to the idea, discuss what they would be comfortable with. It’s vital to set clear boundaries to ensure all parties feel safe and respected.

7. Consent and Respecting Decisions: Respect your partner's response, no matter what. If they're uncomfortable or uninterested in the idea, understand that consent is paramount, and pressuring them could seriously harm your relationship.

8. Continue the Dialogue: If the initial response is positive, keep channels of communication open throughout the process. Discussing choice of third party, setting boundaries, dealing with potential jealousy and the post-threesome dynamic are all important subjects to cover.

 

Remember, fostering a strong, respectful, open, and honest dialogue is key when discussing adventurous sexual activities. It's vital to ensure that every aspect of the experience prioritizes consent, respect, and mutual enjoyment.

 

 

Single and looking to mingle?

Finding partners for a threesome, especially as a single person, requires tact and respect. Here are some ways to find interested couples:

 

1. Online Platforms and Apps: Numerous online platforms cater to people interested in threesomes and other alternative relationship structures. Some well-known apps are Feeld, 3Fun, and OkCupid, which allow users to specify their interests and find like-minded individuals or couples.

2. Attend Local Events: Local meet-ups and events can be an excellent way to meet couples open to the idea of a threesome. Events might include sexual health workshops, swinger parties, or lifestyle clubs.

3. Use Your Social Network: Sometimes, interested parties can be within your social network. However, these situations require forethought and tact to avoid unintended consequences. It might not be wise to bring up the topic directly, especially if it's likely to make your friends uncomfortable.

4. Engage in Online Communities: Numerous forums and online communities, like Reddit and FetLife, allow open discussions about various sexual interests, including threesomes. You can connect with people on these platforms who are in similar situations. Remember to always be respectful and considerate of privacy.

5. Professional Matchmakers: Some professionals specialise in matching singles with partners seeking the same experiences—though this can be a costlier alternative.

 

Before approaching anyone with your interest, it's crucial to do so with respect, understanding, and consent. Never pressure anyone into a situation they aren't comfortable with and ensure all parties involved are transparent about their expectations, comfort levels, and boundaries.

 

 

Ideas & Inspiration

Threesome experiences can vary widely based on the individuals involved, their sexual orientations, their comfort levels, and the relationship dynamics. A common fear of people looking to try a threesome for the first time is that they’ll set the meet, arrive and then won’t know what to do! It’s human nature to over think things sometimes and let the nerves get the better of us, especially when it comes to sexual encounters. Less talk, more action is the key here. Go with the flow and stay in the moment. Don’t allow excess consumption of alcohol or other substances effect your awareness of what’s happening and read your partners signals.

 

It's always important to note that communication is key when trying any new sexual act. Deciding what everyone is comfortable with before the encounter ensures a positive experience and helps manage expectations. Also, consenting to one act doesn't mean consenting to all; ensure you have each other's consent for each new activity you try. Always remember to respect boundaries, provide reassurance, and keep safety in mind throughout the experience.

Some acts are more common than others in a threesome scenario. Here are some of them:

 

1. Double Penetration (DP): In a MMF (Male-Male-Female) scenario, some people express interest in trying double penetration, which involves simultaneous vaginal and anal penetration.

2. Oral Sex: This could take various forms depending on the sexes of the participants. Everything from dual oral stimulation of one person, to multiple people giving or receiving oral pleasure at once can occur.

3. Voyeurism/Exhibitionism: One partner may get aroused by watching the other two engage in sexual activities. It’s an opportunity for the voyeuristic and exhibitionistic tendencies to play out safely and consensually.

4. Mutual Masturbation: Mutual masturbation allows all parties to enjoy sexual gratification while fostering a sense of closeness.

5. Multi-person Positions: These are positions that physically can't be accomplished with just two people. Examples may include a sexual 'daisy chain' or simultaneous oral stimulation.

6. Partner Swapping: In FFM (Female-Female-Male) or MMF scenarios, swapping the 'active' or focus partner during sex can provide different experiences and excitement.

7. Same-Sex Exploration: Threesomes may provide an opportunity for individuals to explore same-sex encounters in a more comfortable environment.

 

 

Threesome Etiquette

Engaging in a threesome can be an exciting and enjoyable experience, but it's important to respect certain etiquette to ensure everyone involved feels comfortable. Here are some tips:

 

1. Consent Is Crucial: Every participant must willingly agree to take part. Discuss boundaries before starting to ensure everyone feels comfortable with what might happen.

2. Communication: Have open conversations about your expectations, fears, and fantasies. Clear communication can help reduce potential misunderstanding or discomfort in the heat of the moment.

3. Equal Attention: Everyone involved should feel included and attended to. Try to give equal attention to both partners to prevent anyone from feeling left out.

4. Safety First: Make sure to practice safe sex. Using barriers, like condoms, and ensuring everyone involved is up-to-date with their sexual health checks is vital.

5. Check-ins: Regularly check in with your partners during and after the experience, to ensure everyone is comfortable with how things are going.

6. Respect Aftercare Needs: After a threesome, people might need emotional support or affirmation. Discuss this beforehand and ensure you're meeting everyone's aftercare needs.

7. Keep Relationships in Mind: If you're involving a couple in the threesome, be aware of their relationship dynamics and rules to ensure you respect them.

 

Remember, these rules can vary depending on the dynamics and agreements of those involved. The most important thing is that everyone feels comfortable and respected.

 

In conclusion, whether perceived as a tantalising taboo or a normal variant of human sexual behaviour, threesomes continue to capture our interest and attention, due to their intimate and psychological complexities. It is essential to embolden many more discussions and incite further research in this domain, contributing to an improved, accepting understanding of diverse sexual preferences and behaviours.